I don't deserve the sympathy I'm trying to get for myself. It's my own fault that it's come to this.

My ex, who was with me for the best 3 and a half years of my life, and who I have tried to be back together with countless times, has definitely moved on. And I haven't. She's got a really good job, busy schedule and, by the looks of things, a new man too. And what have I got? Nothing. And it's my own fucking fault. If I wasn't so lazy and stupidly unconfident in my own abilities to do anything, I might be where she is now, or at least I might have a job. Instead I decide to mope and whine and complain from the comfort of my own bed in an attempt to win sympathy with absolutely nobody. I know I'm only 22 but then I said this last year to myself as I was finishing uni. I've been saying it to myself for the last 12 months. The last year of my life has been the worst, from leaving uni to right now, and I'm part of my own reasoning. I don't deserve pity or comfort. I don't deserve being handed a job as my stupid brain half-expects, which I know is just ludicrous. I definitely don't deserve to be with someone as incredible as my ex, who has done so amazingly well for herself, and who I am proud to know, even if I wish nearly every single day I was still with her and could re-write the wrongs I made during our time together. They say moving on and looking forward is easy once you get going. I've yet to get going, and we haven't been together for over a year and a half now.

I only write this because I needed to get it off my chest. As I said, I don't deserve pity or sympathy. I need to stop being this lazy, daydreaming idiot and start living my life, before I find I'm 30 and writing this same journal over again.